Death Eater Rules & Regulations

by darsynia

Notes: Created for the 'Staff Development' challenge at LJ's hp100. I strongly encourage you to click the link for the entire challenge—
there are 100 rules for the R&R, and *all* of them are hilarious. Written 5/24/06.

Death Eater R&R Part XVIII

78. Please keep your masks firmly attached when out in public terrorizing people. Remember, you’re a representative of us all (this means you, Crabbe), and we’re meant to be Anonymous.

79. Note that scratching one’s nose while wearing a mask will cause it to slip unless it is anchored in some way other than hair grease.

80. ‘Anonymous’ does not mean ‘Anony-rat;’ stop pointing and laughing at Pettigrew. How did I know? I’m the DARK LORD.

81. ‘I have to go, I have a Death Eater meeting’ is not the way to excuse oneself from a dinner party. Honestly, people.

Death Eater R&R, Part XIX

82) The next time someone uses the phrase ‘like trying to cast Avada Kedavra on a baby’ they will be turned into a rat. A female rat. Wormtail is lonely, and we’re all sick of his sniveling. You’ve been warned.

84) The attempt to discover the Dark Lord’s greatest fear by smuggling a Boggart into His quarters (hereafter referred to as ‘His lair’) was not appreciated. Any mentions of ‘rubber duckies’ or bath toys will hereafter be answered with a Cruciatus Curse to the offender’s Unspeakables, if you catch the drift.

85) I really mean it. No ducks. Or else.

Death Eater R&R Part XXII

Rules written by Bellatrix.

94) No flirting with Rodolphus. Refer to #4.

95) ‘Bella’ means beautiful not ‘horny.’ I have no intentions of taking any of you up on your offers. Refer to #4.

96.a) The elder Malfoy (foolishly) would like me to inform you that ‘Lucius’ does interchange with ‘lucious,’ and that he has every intention of taking up on any offers.

96.b) Lucius is married to my sister, however. Refer to #4.

97) I remind anyone tempted to use bad pickup lines on me that Regulus Black’s body was never found. ”You’re the brightest star in my constellation,” UGH. Refer to #4.

Thanks to wulfkub, Rule #4 from the post that started it all...
4. Don’t piss Bella off. She kills people.